Frustrated....

Today, I'm taking my time for intropecting all that happens in my life. Somehow, it makes me frustrated. Having been a middle age man, I realize what I have achieved today is nothing!
All my achievement is still ordinary one and remembering the fact that that sacrifies many things, I feel very disappointed :(.

As a technology enthusiats, I really love to read a new technology invention everyday. Tomshardware and anandtech is two compulsory website I must visit everyday :). But sometimes this makes me really upset, knowing what I can do is only see and watch new technologies discovered day after day without any opportunity to experience them....Somehow it's getting me frustrated!

What can I do? As a ordinary civilian who strives in hectic days everyday, I must save my bucks mostly for the future as there are many basic needs that I must fulfill in. These needs of course override my nerds instinct. Everyday, I must try hard to supress my longing of having newest technology at hand. What a shame considering I, myself, are working in IT industry....And yes somehow it's getting me frustrated!

And while my colleagues, one by one, are getting married, I can only watch the scene in distance. My unique and stupid situation does not allow me to be close to somebody else. How regretful. The most funny thing is when people greet me and they assume me have a wonderful life. They just couldn't get the picture, aren't they? What lies beneath the surface, they won't know if they don't dive deeper. But as I am the guardian of the watergate, I can't allow anyone drive closer to the bottom. It's so complex that it's getting me frustrated!

Terrible global economy also hampers my daily life. Our government has raised liquid petroleum gas price two days ago, following the raising of fuel price. It's a snowball effect and I can expect electricity and water bill will increase in near future. But our government is still tolerance for its poor people since the fuel is only raised about 30%. Well, not because the number is very small, but if we compare it to our neighbor countries like Malaysia and Singapore, for example, Indonesian people can be considered lucky!

To be frank, at the day the fuel price is raised, I felt anger as well. Feeling like I want to be part of mass demonstrating in front of our MPR/DPR building. The feeling is getting even more stronger after I read john perkins' book titled "Confession of economic hit man" telling his story of fooling our government for making it fell into debt web and therefore be loyal for capital emperium. That's really a damned story which will make every reader from third world countries want to rebel againts the supreme countries like USA and England.

Now the anger has reduced a little bit but I feel very sorry as living cost has raised much because of this global oil price problem. It's kind of walking backward. Thank god, my salary has been raised this year. At least I can stand still this year, not move forward nor backward. But standing still is not good option either, somehow I really dislike the idea. And this thing make me frustrated at best!

Why some people who have been in the top of power never think about the people who have in lower position? Many people suffer because of small number of selfish stupid people like George W. Bush or Osama Bin Laden. Will they ever think of others instead of their own interest?

And the most funny thing I see today is the news that Toyota, a famous car brand, reported that it has gained increase in car sales outside Java island. Really funny! Some people demonstrate on the street yelling that the fuel price hike cannot be tolerated since it will kill many people by starvation slowly. The other story, the car sales fact, tells us that some people aren't impacted by this situation and go ahead of possesing their dream car. What an irony!

Maybe it's time I slap my cheek so hard that I can be sober for living my life as is. It needs more patience - which I lack - and persistence for enduring hardship through my lifeline.

Sometimes I really wish there had already been someone beside me, supporting me and preventing me of retreating to my shell.....I really wish...