2011 Flashback

It's less than an hour to enter a new year.
There're a lot things happened in 2011.
Things that I want to forget and things that I want to remember forever.

2011 was started with the fact that the girl I liked getting married and I could not do anything about it. I didn't even know that she would be married. It's a coincidence that in the meeting my colleague showed me the wedding invitation email which was never sent to me.

I feel really upset that time. Can she just appreciate me as a friend and invite me even for hospitality only? I guess she doesn't know me well that even she invited me, I wouldn't shown up in the party. Why should I?

So I only sent a sms congratulated her, wishing her the very best and she didn't reply me at all. And when she showed up in the office, I asked her if she received it. She said yes without other word which was very disappointed. I didn't know what I was thinking. I expected she to have more manner and politeness but she just didn't possess that kind of things. So I kept telling myself maybe she forgot and maybe someday she would say it.

But after a week with no progress at all, I then told her that it's okay for us to be just friend. As we did not have anything special in particular or something like that, trying to explain everything. I even went further and asked her why she didn't invite me into the wedding party?

And guess what? She responded by told me to shut up, told everything I said and done was nothing important for her. Guess I carried away a little bit that time and went into decision to break any friendship with her forever.

It's unforgivable for her to say those meaning and cruel words to me. I didn't get her, did she ever feel like rejected by someone she like? She's a woman after all! A pretty woman indeed but that's all. With a manner like that, any educated man will feel disgusting to her. So everyone is forbidden to speak to her except when she feel it's important for her?

I offered her a friendship! It took a courage to do it to the one I like. But her respond was out of my imagination. It turned out that I did not know her at all. Not a single piece of her.

But let's forget about her, there are moments, sad moments actually happening in 2011.

The other thing wrecking me down was the failure at JNCIE exam. It's the second time for me and I had written posts about that in this blogs. I'm really honest when I said that life is unfair, because I happened coincidentally to know a friend who took a JNCIE exam representing other company. He passed it eventhough after the exam he admit it he forget something that keep his L3VPN messy. He said to me that he didn't have a chance of passing it either, same as me. But the fact is he pass! How come?

And then his company was trying to recruit me. I reject that offer eventhough I was told I will be guaranteed passing the JNCIE. I never really like the idea of being a doll, a capitalism marionette that is. I never did! And once I accept this kind of offer, then I know I will have to compromising on false things in return. It's just not my style :).

But I don't have to worry that I will lose any confidence about my capability. I wonder if anyone remembers that once I said that I will learn Alcatel because of lack of Juniper project in my company? In fact I did, and I successfully passing all Alcatel exams which are notoriously as having no complete cheat or dump material in IT world in only 4 months!

Some told me I am a genius when I show him/her that fact. I only laugh hearing it because I know I wasn't a genius. Don't forget the fact that I have failed in the lab exams 4 times (2 JNCIP and 2 JNCIE)! I just showed the world what a person in a professional level potentially may achieve if they achieve that level honestly. That's all.

And now the other sad thing happened in 2011 was that I have to lose my colleague as she moved from Indonesia to abroad, pursuing her education. What can I say about her? She's pretty, cute and intelligence. But there's one thing I didn't like about her, is that she showed me too much hedoism. That sign make me doubt about her, whether she is the right person to accompany me in my journey.

But everything will be all right then, since we are separated now. And in fact she told me that she have having been in relationship, a long distance one with someone which I didn't even know. I didn't even know if she said it honestly or just said it for keeping me pursuing her. I only said to her before her departure that actually I like her but hoping she can change her point of view someday.

Hmm, that sound too selfish right? Liking somebody and hoping she will change herself for me. Why must I do that? The reason is because if she cannot change her point of view of how she see the world then she would not understand me forever. I accept the fact that she was raised in the well-being society. I know that kind of society but also hate it. That a society which people respect each other not because of they are or their accomplishent, but their belonging! It's just a situation I hate most.

But I don't have to worry about her. She said she is in a good hand and her boyfriend is a very successful person. So I cannot find any reasons why she must choose me over her boyfriend. If she loves money the most, her boyfriend is the winner. If she loves the younger person, her boyfriend also is the winner. If she loves the prestigious feeling, hey boyfriend can give her that kind of thing as he was being said working abroad right now.

All I can do now is wait and see. Maybe someday we will meet again and who knows what will happen. And even if we don't I believe GOD will introduce me to a better person then.

Happy New Year 2012 everyone :).